The little lady and I are big fans of the recent Discovery series “Life”. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the show it was a 10 part series that focused on the wonder and beauty of life. Meaning each episode they followed around a different animals and bugs with some super expensive cameras and made some really cool crap to watch in HD. Oh and Oprah narrated the entire thing. Each episode was pretty amazing but the one on birds really struck a chord. I learned that birds spend most of their time hunting, stealing, killing and generally f’ing with other animals. In short birds are really just natures assholes. I hate birds now after watching the show and in general I think we need to exterminate them all.

To drive home my point let me fill you in on my walk to the bus stop yesterday morning. I was strutting along minding my own business when I caught a small bird out of the corner of my eye. I looked at him, he looked at me and it was on. Without warning the bird swooped down and took a healthy scratch at my back pack. I wasn’t positive what had just happened but when I looked at the bird again, which was now on the other side of me it took another dive, just missing me. The bird was now floating around about 4 feet from me and had a look in it’s eyes like it wanted me dead. If you happened to be looking out your window in the town I live in at about 8 am in the morning you may have seen one of the funniest sights ever. A tall goofy looking man screaming “what the fuck!” at a small bird and running for his life. Luckily the little bastard wasn’t fast enough to keep up with me and I managed to escape. Don’t think he didn’t give it a shot though. I spent the rest of the morning petrified he had retreated back to gather his friends and make another charge at me. Someday I hope that fear that runs through me every time I hear a chirp will do away but for now I live in constant fear of those winged dick heads. They must be stopped.