So now that I’m a big time marathon runner the Mrs. and I have decided to join a gym. Alright we joined close to a year ago but we’re finally getting around to going regularly. Screw you for judging me. I’ve always hated going to the gym but I know it’s something I have to do in order to not be a sloppy bitch. It’s not the actual working out that I can’t stand. No I hate it because I hate giant men who can kick my ass looking at me like I’m a pussy who can only lift fifty pounds. I hate watching them go to a machine after I’ve used it and laughing at how much weight I had it set for. Then they high five their other giant friends and talk about how much better then me they are. Granted I’ve never seen this happen but I know they’re doing it. On top of that the 24 Hour Fitness that we go to is filled with the filthiest men I’ve ever seen. The men’s locker room is like a god damn war zone. There are towels everywhere, the showers are littered with empty bottles of shampoo and the men have no problem throwing their sweat filled shirts all over the benches. It drives me insane but we signed a year contract so we’re stuck there for a few more months.

Last night, shit went too far though. Way too far. While I was in the shower the guy in the stall next to me decided to do what I can only describe as a Midnight Express reenactment. He was pressed right up against the glass for reasons I can’t begin to understand and I saw every nook and cranny of his inner being. The only thing he didn’t do was tap on the glass and whisper “Oh Joey” to me. He was so close that his feet were actually sticking out under the glass divider and in my area. I almost puked on his big old hairy toes. I left the gym frightened and confused and I don’t think I ever want to go back. Now I know what it’s like to be in a Turkish prison.